painting...again

so i'm back at it.

still wondering if i actually should be. but the act of painting is quite cathartic, whatever the result. and the HOMEMADE root beer my friend made for me eases the process along quite nicely.

i am currently laying on the floor with root beer in hand and a fan in my face, waiting for the next coat of "desert" brown to dry on the hallway door. i got a new brush -- a recommendation from my roommate -- and the first coat of paint slid on the door much better than the "bloody red" episode i had a couple weeks ago.

funny side note: the store paint mixer this morning said "wow, you sure like dark colors" as she blended both the "desert" and "chocolate" browns i intend to use on the doors and frames around here. i smiled. indeed, i do.

want pictures? you'll just have to wait. there is so much more to do before i unveil my terribly inept painter's hand to the world.

back to it...

a dream...

a dream
a dream of my friend
she's dying -- she's living yet dead
as she stands, swaying with the crowd

a mob of hairless, beautiful women
they stand, dizzily stand
they cry, but only with their eyes
only with their hands and hearts
do they scream...

the beach...peeples style...

yesterday evening i returned from a couple days in long beach, washington. every year, one side of my family gathers at my grandmother's camping lot for a 4th of july family reunion. people travel from near and far to dig sandcastles, eat, catch up over the ever-burning fire pit, eat and drink, wade in the pacific ocean, eat again, wander down main street, and watch fireworks along the boardwalk or some other locale. oh, and did i mention we tend to eat?

this reunion varies in size from year to year. when i was young, i remember it being fairly intimate. but this family has grown! we're now usually camped out in 3-4 trailers and 6-8 tents, plus day visitors. we all lead very different (and separate) lives every other weekend of the year but the 4th of july holiday break is a chance to connect and remember we're all still family, despite these differences.

beyond eating and conversing over the fire pit, another long-standing tradition of this family is to ride the adult go karts. it's a rite of passage for any 12-year-old in our family and something none of us takes very lightly. we are rather fiercely competitive. case in point: while waiting in line to ride, we usually let other people cut into line in front of us in order to ensure we can all race together at once.

due to my recovering back injury, i wasn't able to ride this year. my level of disappointment surprised even me. i guess i am more competitive than i thought.

so here are my photos from the sidelines. for those of you reading this who are in this crazy family, i'll see you on the track next year...

somebody stop me...

...i'm mulling over paint samples again!

i found some more samples on my living room floor this evening and started rethinking my color scheme. what is wrong with me? (don't answer that...)

okay, i'll answer it. i cannot seem to commit. to even some bloody paint on my rental walls. ridiculous!

after work, my exercise of choice for the day was to walk around downtown in 90 degree heat. i wandered through the blues festival and caught sight of many fascinating new characters for an as-yet-to-be-written story before i decided to pick up the pace to sweat off the ice cream i intend to have on my porch this evening.

when i finally arrived home, i was drenched. and eager to find a makeshift fan in my excruciatingly stuffy apartment. (i think i might sleep in my car tonight)

as i rolled onto the living room floor in exhaustion, i grabbed some paint sample cards to wave in my face.

i've cooled off now--to a mild sweat, anyway.

but now i'm rethinking all things paint.

eating humble pie...

do you ever believe you're pretty good at doing something and then discover you really aren't? a deflating feeling captures your spirit and asks you to succumb to the reality of mediocrity.

such has been my saturday.

i awoke this morning feeling particularly industrious...with an itch to paint. some of you know, i've been pondering this for awhile now. the difficult part (at least i thought) would be in finding the colors. there are WAY too many colors out there.

with the guidance of several friends in the last few months, i've narrowed down the list to a small handful of paint chips begging to transform my eggshell white apartment into an earthy sanctuary -- warm chocolate browns, african sunset orange...

funny side note: after reviewing approximately 37 different colors of red, i chose the "classic red." lame, huh? i guess i'm not very original either.

since i don't have the time (nor the ability with a continuing-to-recover-back-injury)to paint the high walls of market street at the moment, i decided to simply jaunt to the paint store for some "classic red" to paint the kitchen door.

several hours and natural root beer later, the door has dried and looks absolutely terrible. straight out of "my kid could paint that." smudges, unevenness and a healthy slice of humble pie.

i am a god-awful painter!

i thought i had learned to paint well as a child, often helping my father paint his piles of metal a basic flat black (or semi-gloss if i was feeling particularly fancy). why didn't he tell me i suck at such a task?

despite being extra careful, a few blotches also landed "just so" on the molding around the kitchen door. from the apartment hallway viewpoint, you might think someone was murdered in the kitchen, leaving a trail of splattered blood on the door frame. not exactly the look i was going for...

so, another root beer in hand, i write this as i stare at my new, bloody kitchen door. and i wonder if the rest of those paint chips will ever land on the walls of market street...

how have you been?

i haven't talked with you much lately. my friend was so kind as to let me borrow her computer and internet access for a few hours so i could catch up on all my emails and self-deprecating banter on this little ol' blog.

why self-deprecating? well, why not?

besides, who wouldn't want to make fun of a woman who admits to...

~possessing an intense frustration with all "handy" electronic reading machines. you know the kind -- where you download entire books and scroll through them on airplanes and beach towels to save yourself from packing a clunky volume or two. this is maddening, i tell you! whatever happened to cherishing the crisp feel of the page between your fingers or ferociously turning the page in unhinged anticipation of what is to come?

~switching to whole grain macaroni and cheese. a huge sacrifice for anyone who knows my childhood days.

~owning approximately five sweatshirts but ALWAYS taking a saturday walk in the red, hooded one. now, exactly why is that?

~absolutely loving public transportation as much as driving around in "Madge." i always thought i most loved the open road when i could drive alone with the windows down, the music blaring, and my foot to the floor (what can i say? i'm my father's daughter.) but i have come to also love shoving the ipod ear pieces in and chillin'out on the train, the bus, or the occasional taxi or airplane. it's the people-watching, i think.

~realizing how much i love home. and that home is what knows me best, despite all the soul-searching i may do elsewhere. while i must admit i adore traveling, i also love the feeling of turning the key into my own place. how funny, considering i'm merely a renter.

~tearing a picture of a dog out of a magazine at les scwhab seven years ago and knowing in my heart i will own that dog (not that exact one...just the chocolate lab breed) in the future. his name will be dublin.

~taking extra good care of "madge" so i can take a road trip to the grand canyon next year over a long weekend. no, it's not a thelma and louise moment. just a journey i'd like to take. "madge" wants to see that big canyon too.

~the fact that looking out my kitchen window at my perfectionistic neighbors is as much fun now as it was four years ago. seriously...a few leaves on your brick patio won't kill you.

~that i just learned about ice cream drumsticks -- you know the kind with the sugar cone, ice cream, dipped in chocolate and drizzled with peanuts. yes, my dear roommate had to teach me that such delicacies exist.

~continuously learning i have an addiction to buying books WAY before i'll have time to read them. i seem to think i'll never find them again or something. but one look at them sitting on my bookshelf -- waiting for me -- is comforting somehow. i know -- you can say it...nerd.

~recognizing i am a strong, courageous, albeit nerdy, woman who is grateful for what she has, working hard to not pine away for something she doesn't, aching to make herself useful to this world in just the right way , and realizing that maybe -- just maybe -- she already is.

so that's what is up with me today. how about you?

where i've been...

i haven't really gone MIA on you. i've just been enjoying the rose city weather and this lovely porch of mine. fiddling with my plants, reading books, continuing my feeble attempt at writing one, and resting. i am a firm believer in true, pure rest. something i'm learning a bit later in life than i should have...but am learning nonetheless. what a lesson, eh?

sure, i have challenges like everyone else. and plenty of reasons that give me pause before i get out of bed in the morning. this time last year, for example, i couldn't even walk onto this porch, let alone sit down on it. it's amazing how much can change in one year. this porch has seen me through a lot.

but you see, this isn't just a porch. it's a sanctuary. with a killer view of mt. st. helens. no matter how much my life is changing (or not), the view from this porch reminds me how small, yet very significant, i actually am. it's not what i do with my time...it's how i value the time i've been given.